these make me happy

Ok, I don't necessarily agree with this picture, but I love it. People are furious about this! I love the sentiment, so nasty. But as an afterthought. Like a neat little capper. I love it.

And I love this. This is the scenery on my commute. That's White Horse Mountain, with Baker peeking up in the back. I almost crash twice a day staring at this gut-wrenching wonder. What really gets me is the barren but awesome sharp, bare peaks. Most of the year these are capped with white, like Baker, but in the summer they are so naked, so jagged, so strong and silent looking. I am overwhelmed by the stretch of time, by the vastness of the world, by the fragility and iron strength. By the sheer wonder of it all. And so I try my very best to not careen through some poor county farmer's cattle pasture as I gape. You'd think, with the sunrise coming later now, it would be too dark to enjoy, thus cutting in half my hazardous driving record. But I saw the sun rise behind the mountain yesterday, with an unholy orange and gold that was so beautiful I nearly gave up the ghost. The pictures I tried to get sucked rocks though, so I'll have to be content with these shots from the afternoon. Good god amighty, do I live in the most beautiful place in the world, or what?

Road to Joy by Bright Eyes. Raucous, cacophonous, loud! I love to crank this up in the car and scream along with it as I drive. Ok, I'm starting to sound like a really bad driver, but I'm not! Turn this up and bask! Ode to Joy's rise and fall and pound is some of my favorite music, throw in some emo punk and screaming...what could be better?



http://www.huffingtonpost.com/amb-richard-c-holbrooke/calm-methodical-obama-vs_b_130343.html This article says exactly what I am trying to say, only more articulately. I'm so hopeful this time! I am overjoyed at the thought of having a government that actually tries to do good. I am overjoyed at the thought that I believe they will try. I really believe it!

I also love that I will have to make this an ongoing theme. Such an embarrassment of riches!

wowza

Fareed Zakaria not pulling any punches! And the worst part is, though I know from seeing him on Jon Stewart regularly that he probably has a left-ist slant, he isn't speaking from a crazy liberal point of view. He's just saying... we can't be screwing around right now, this chick cannot do this job. I love his point, and it's the one I've been trying to make when I talk to people, that it isn't just that she doesn't have the right answers, she doesn't understand the questions. We see it all the time in elementary school! A kid will babble nonsense trying to hit some key phrases or buzz words she remembers, but she has no idea what is being asked of her. If she's in science class, she uses science babble, in math, math babble. Scary. And even scarier? See if you can figure out if this is the real interview, or a spoof. Hint: Much of the dialogue is unchanged from the original.

A point to ponder

I'm gonna have to go with the second one. I recently read "Just How Stupid Are We?" about the American voter, and apparently the answer is "Very." Note the capital v. Like really really really stupid. Partly uninformed, partly under-educated, a little bit lied to, but mostly just really really really stupid. Welcome to the world, my little daughter. Best of luck to you.

So I read this article in The New York Times. http://www.nytimes.com/2008/09/28/opinion/28rich.html?_r=1&hp&oref=slogin

I'm noticing that journalists are getting less and less gentle about calling McCain an ass. It used to be very cloaked, and try to preserve fairness, and be respectful, but more and more articles are calling him crazy, inept, and preposterous. This one sounds so professional and yet so angry. I admire the tone the author was able to strike. I just go on a rant, this guy was able to make calm reasonable points while saying McCain has sold out his country. Awesome. Look at this one too http://www.huffingtonpost.com/erica-jong/not-that-stupid-erica-jon_b_126184.html
People are angry, and expressing it. I love it. Now all we have to do is sit back and watch the campaign eat itself from the inside. It was so sad watching him at the end of the convention. I don't mean that snarkily at all, it really made me sad. "Stand up and fight with me! Stand up and fight with me!" It was like a tired old man talking about what he used to be known for. Like an honorary diploma or something hollow like that. If he had been making that call 18 months ago, it would have meant something, but now he's become the caricature of everything he was calling to fight against. It felt like the one glimpse of his real self that night, only it was so false in its empty promise. It honestly makes me sad to think of it.
Then there's the other guy. I swear, when he's talking, I just want him to keep going. I feel like he knows what he's doing, like he has a plan. Like he will listen to other people and hear what they say and take it into consideration. Like he knows he is in a really tough spot and is trying to figure the way out. I was listening to the radio today and they were talking about the economy. A senator who is working on the bailout was being interviewed and they asked how the next president was going to be affected by it all. He answered for a little bit and was in the middle of a sentence, "Well, they aren't going to invade their way out of it....well. I don't want to say that. If the same team is in power next year, who knows what they will do." He didn't sound at all like he was being sarcastic. Like he seriously thinks these guys might try to war their way out of it! Jesus fucking christ on a bicycle.

Are you watching this?

I think I know what I need! I'm watching the debate, and McCain is saying the same thing (I wasn't elected Miss Congeniality ((does he know how weird it sounds for an old man to keep saying that?)) and Warshington is corrupt pork barrel pork barrel pork barrel) in reply to every thing asked of him and I am not trying to hurt myself yet. Why? Obama is right there, refuting every time he lies (John, that just isn't true), keeping calm, talking through all the points. So apparently I just need Obama to walk around with me and keep speaking calmly to me. How much do you suppose that costs?
I love that he's listing the stuff McCain has been wrong about in Iraq! He's giving his plans the same way every time...First...Second...he has itemized key points for everything. McCain is just using all this hyperbole and empty jingoism. Obama keeps telling McCain he's said stuff wrong, or lied or whatnot, McCain isn't saying that to Obama at all. Does he not know it, or is Obama only making legitimate points. You decide.
Hey, I heard something funny. Apparently, in the midst of the mock debates for Palin to practice, they just stopped. It was so disastrous, that they just stopped to try and think of something else. Ouch.
Why isn't this a landslide to the left? Every time McCain is asked a direct question, he refers to some obscure ancient event back when he was a maverick and stood up to Warshington. But he NEVER answers a question! I'm watching these guys and McCain is stumbling over lines, just proving he's opening cans for his replies. Obama sounds informed, prepared, intelligent. McCain sounds like a sad old grandpa talking to the whippersnappers about his glory days. I'd be perfectly happy to listen to his stories, but not in response to a direct question!
Uh oh, he's getting steamed! I'm hoping he swings at Obama or calls him uppity...FIGHT FIGHT! heh heh. Dang, Lehrer just reined him in.
Second Holocaust? Where did that come from? Yikes, he's working up to invading Iran.
Ok, I don't get this one. Maybe it's my elementary school training. Why is it such a big deal that Obama said he'll talk to foreign leaders? Isn't diplomacy the best bet for anything? OH! Obama just pointed out that McCain's own advisors agree with Obama! I was hoping that would come up! Hee hee, that's gotta hurt.
I'm trying to stay mature about this, but I am totally hating how McCain keeps making that smirky "whatever" face. That seems so childish.
Hoo Hoo! He just hit the Spain guy!
Oh yikes, McCain is even starting to make Bush facial expressions. That's creepy!
CNN has an audience approval thingy going as a crawl, with a blue line for dem approval, and red for republican. Interestingly, while rarely, it is ONLY purple when Obama talks. McCain, the Uniter, not the Divider, is not getting both but Obama is. hmmmm.
Great fuck! He will not talk about anything that didn't happen decades ago! AArrgh
Nope, calm calm. Obama is trying to talk to him, but he just talks right over it. I hate that.
Obama is the coolest. Literally. He won't get ruffled. I really admire that. I know, I like to swing into full blown anything mode at the drop of a hat, but that's just for fun. As a leader, Obama has exactly what it takes. I bet he lets loose in fun though. Basketball, with friends, that kind of stuff. I can totally see him just busting up laughing at something. hyuk hyuk
Oh wowza, he almost did it, but no...the POW card is out. Last comment of the night. Nice.
Oh, I love how the Obamas will touch each other in public. He obviously values her as an equal. That would be a great thing to see in the White House. He greeted her with "Hey. How'd we do?" Sweet.
Ok, let the spin begin!

wtf

You did WHAT to my future?

I will admit to being completely baffled by the closeness of this race. I cannot, or will not, put it all down to racism, we cannot possibly have almost half of our country still racist, can we? So in an effort to understand, I have been listening to conservative talk radio. Now, readers at home, I must stress that I DO NOT recommend this plan to any one. ANY one. I am only just recovered from the severe eye explosion on the way to work this morning, aggravated by my screaming and driving my car into a meridian on the way home. If McCain can still ride POW status, I want some kind of credit for the torture I have endured the last few days.

You know what's the best part? Not that they are blaming Obama for the economy crisis. Not that they are applauding McCain for his nobility in suspending his campaign to rush back to DC, where he has not cast a vote since April, cancelling a gig on Letterman to "put country first," but actually spending the exact same time interviewing with Katie Couric...don't believe me? Letterman actually played the live feed on his show while taping, not to mention that incumbent presidents debate opponents while leading the freakin free world, learn to walk and chew gum you idiot!.... I've lost the thread....Oh yeah! Not that the host was actually arguing FOR the golden parachutes. Making his case that if you don't pay top dollar for CEOs, you won't attract the quality talent. "We don't criticize movie stars, or sports stars for making this kind of cash. Why would we criticize highly successful business talent?" Ummm...because they drove their companies into the ground and are asking me, and my daughter, and her daughter, to take the shaft and pay for their mistakes and if that represents the High Quality leadership you are trying to attract, you should probably try and see what you can get for minimum wage. Great leaping goats! There's a blog I love that keeps calling these people "fucktards." And while I cannot utilize it because of the "tards" suffix, it just makes me giggle like a 10 year old every time he says it. Where was I? Oh yeah! No, the best part is the ads. I am not making this up, they are carrying ads about how to get hold of prophets ~ no, I didn't say profits, I said PROPHETS, there's a pamphlet you can send away for to get information about what "you can do" to stop the spread of homosexuality in your community, every other ad is some chick talking about "my family" and "my values." It is as mind-numbingly horrifying as the phrase "President Palin."

So after all these days of masochism, and thank god I didn't go so far as to try and sit through Hannity or, don't even think it, O'Reilly...I would not be here to speak to you today, I have concluded that while I still do not by any stretch understand these people, I get it. I see why they think what they think. They have been told to, and do not have the.....you fill in the blank as you see fit.......to do otherwise. You get the government you deserve. Here's hoping the other half of us don't have to sit through your shit again.

This is my point

Trueby was telling me about the firedrill they had Friday, and how much she hates them because they are so loud.

Me: Fire alarms are to help you, cutie. They help you be safe. They have to be loud so everyone hears them. What if someone didn't hear it and got on fire?

Her: Well, that would be ok. I would just "Stop, Drop and Roll."

Me: Yeah, but I think it's best to not catch on fire at all.

Her: God would be sad if I was on fire. He's real, he died on the cross.

Me: Oh, christ.

Can't get the election out of my head

My brain is on this non-stop. Get this dream I just had. A friend's mom went into labor and the friend was too wound to drive her to the hospital, so I took them. I'm driving this impossibly huge land yacht with a steering wheel like a ring of Saturn and when I look back, all I see are fins a million miles back. Of course we're lost, but when we stop to assess where we are, in some back alley I have barely squeaked this monstrosity into, a door opens behind us, like the back door to a bar, only it's the hospital back door. Elated, we rush inside and I'm in the waiting room. This lady, very vaguely reminiscent of Shirley Maclaine in Steel Magnolias, is sitting across from me in the chairs like at airport gates, sucking something through straw from a balloon that has a pro-Hillary message on it. The slogan was devastatingly clever, I remarked on it in my dream and was detachedly very impressed with my subconcious for thinking of it but have completely lost it. She agreed with me that it was clever, like Hillary, and began tearing into That Bastard who stole the nomination from her. I was facinated to be able to actually have a conversation with a real live PUMA and asked questions like, "I know! How do you think he got away with it?" and the like. The only answer I remember her giving was one where he was going for the patriots by choosing a GOP war widow for his wife, and somehow using his wheel chair only for sympathy and effect. Don't blame me, it was a dream. At any rate, the lady raved on for a while and finally I asked, "So, is it McCain for you then?" Damned if I didn't wake up just then and I was all, "Noooo! I have to know if the madwoman was going for McCain!" Yeah, it isn't easy being me. But here's the thing. To all this together. My girl is being shaped by forces outside of my control. Is it possible I will, thirteen years from now, be staring slack-jawed at her as she defends a political position completely alien to me? I'm not saying I expect a carbon copy, or that we agree on everything, or that she follow my beliefs in lock step. Not at all, and I'd be disappointed if she did. Maybe not at first, but eventually! But is it possible I might raise a kid who, if she were an adult right now, would vote for this ticket?



Let's take stock. The past eight years have devastated the country. The ticket's policies promise a continuation of past thinking and policy. Ed Koch, a staunch republican and supporter of Bush, has endorsed Obama. The international community overwhelmingly supports Obama. Alan Greenspan, former head of the Federal Reserve, under Bush, has said McCain's economic policy will be disastrous for the country. McCain has become a clone of everything he is saying he "mavericked" against. His running mate is, at best, dangerously underqualifed, at worst, a religious zealot with no idea what she's talking about but a steadfast plan for it nonetheless. The campaign has been increasingly called out for outright lies in their campaign. Karl Rove said they have gone too far. KARL FUCKING ROVE! And yet his numbers climb. Allow me to posit a theory. We are standing around being shocked that no one is taking all this damning evidence at face value, but who are we talking about, here? We're talking about people who don't believe in evolution. That believe the dinosaur bones were put there by the devil to trick good christians. That believe global warming is a myth. That believe you can pray away the gay. That believe you should want to. We are talking about a group of people who routinely close their eyes and minds to fact and cling all the more tightly to their "faith" when it comes under question, glorying in this chance to prove they do not question. In a culture that only exists if its members do not question, how can we be surprised they are swallowing all they are told without blinking?

Messy head

So today we had what has to have been the worst playdate in recorded history. We met with Trueby's friend and one of her friends at the park to get the two girls together after much too long apart. They met at daycare and have been each other's yin and yang for as long either of them can remember. I know being apart from the friend she has spent every single weekday with for half of her little life has been tough on the girl. She was so completely overwrought that she cried the entire time! Ok, there were breaks where, after wailing on my lap, she would recover enough to go back at it, but within seconds something would set her off again.
I know it sounds bratty, but it broke my heart all to pieces, and here's why. She is really having a tough time adjusting to kindergarten. As a chick who needs feel anchored and familiar and in control of a situation, she is navigating this entirely alien environment and doing it completely alone. Rules she didn't know existed are governing her days, people she doesn't know at all make up her company, choices are made by those people that quite frankly are freaking her out. We all know how public school is distressingly full of the public. The sheltered CDC world that prepared her so well to be a beautiful human being, didn't prepare her at all for interacting with others who haven't had the same training. She knows "tattling" is a sin, and so doesn't know what to do when she is unable to solve a problem on her own. As one of 21 cogs in the room, my silent observer is completely over run. She enjoys her after-school program more, but even then she is having trouble finding her place. I just about cried in front of her when she showed me a huge divot she had taken out of her tongue when she and another girl collided and she bit down on herself. There was an honest to god tooth shaped hole in her tongue and it was swollen and making it really uncomfortable when it kept bumping on her teeth. I asked her if the workers had given her an ice cube to suck on and she said they didn't know it happened. I asked her, "Didn't you cry?" and she said, "No, I just sat down and was really sad." Oh my word.



So anyway, the playdate. I think she was so over-emotional to be back with her friend, safe and familiar, that she just couldn't get control of herself. She cried and cried and cried. When she would go play, I talked with my friend about her and just blubbered myself. I am so fortunate to have such an understanding and compassionate friend who listened and agreed and supported, and never told me I was over-coddling (though I know I am), or had to let her find her own way (though I know I do) or that I was over-reacting (hello...met me before?). After we left we came home and had dinner then all three of us curled up in front of the TV to watch a movie together. I just hope letting her know that her world outside of school is as strong and consistent as ever, that she is as strong as ever, will help speed the transition through this icky period. And I know it's a transition, she will eventually make good friends and become the loudmouth kid her teacher wishes would just shut it. I know that. But right now she is just breaking my heart.

Nope, still a pig

Seriously? The republican campaign wants the public to believe this is what Obama said? And McCain intoning at the end..."I'm John McCain, and I approve this message." I said it before, and I'll say it again, he is going to hate himself from the inside out after this over. That is giving him credit for retaining any shred of the honor he has touted and used and sold during this campaign. Sex ed for kindergartners, for god's sake? Apparently old Johnny has an asking price, and it is embarrassingly low. On the upside, I got to see this picture. I guess there is one thing about Cheney that I can find the silver lining for. Heh heh.

Here's another thing I never thought I'd say. The toughest interview I've seen of McCain so far was on, wait for it, The View. You heard me. Why are Comedy Central and Stay-At-Home Mom Central the hardest hitting journalism on the campaign trail? Check this out: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/09/12/mccain-grilled-on-the-vie_n_125972.html

Damn, I love me the Huffington Post. You do need to take it with a grain of salt, very very very left, but I've double checked them a lot and while they may slant a bit, they don't spin and they don't make anything up. They also have a link to a compendium of articles from other publications lately that are just starting to talk about the fact that McCain is lying like a rug. While it's astonishing that the volume of lies needed to reach this point before the main stream media began to go, "Ok, hold on there a minute," it's even more alarming to read the comments to the list of articles. "Oh, those are all liberal left papers commenting on republican ads. Of course they say it's all lies." They're talking about the New York Times and other major publications quoting actual documented facts that show McCain is a liar. Really, just how blind an eye can you turn? Jesus! I'm totally not making this up, look! http://firstread.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2008/09/12/1382169.aspx


On a much happier note, Trueby declared she needed to visit "the salon" (she pronounces it with an umlaut) today. Her hair was much too long for good taste, apparently. I offered to cut it on the deck, as I always do, but after some consideration, decided a professional would be the best bet. It was starting out way shorter than it usually is when I attempt it, and I need a good 2-3" grace period to even up the sides, so I figured I'd let a trained hand at it. True will never let me do it again now!

Maybe if I gave her a sucker after, she'd be more willing to let me try?

Taking stuff for granted

So here's what I'm wondering. It is highly possible that I live in the most beautiful place on the planet. Also, that I have the most perfect child ever. Equally possible that I have an idyllic life, marred only by petty grievances and my own shortcomings. So my question is, am I doing enough to A)deserve this and B)preserve it for my kid? Today was so gobsmackingly alluring that we got subs for dinner ~ apparently we do this more often than I think. The chick knew Trueby's sandwich! Turkey and cheddar on white with pickles and olives and that's all! ~ and met dad at the park. The water, the light, the temperature...everything exactly perfect.




Check this one out. You don't often get to catch an actual "knee-slapper" on film

We talked about her second day in kindergarten, in which she was totally on her own, no parents holding hands today! I obsessed over upsetting the delicate apple cart by throwing a spoke in the brand new routine wheel and letting her get hot lunch (chicken nuggets, baby!) tomorrow. Will she be able to handle it? Will she lose the money? Will they take cash since she doesn't have an account open? Will she eat the lunch? Will she have enough? Will she be nervous carrying her tray around to get the stuff? Will she speak up if she needs help? I know. I said I was obsessing. It doesn't count as psychotic if I recognize it myself so back off and keep your judgement to yourself. (Whenever I hear "judge" in any context it reminds me of the brilliant film "Hot Fuzz," which is a follow-up to the even more brilliant "Shaun of the Dead," seriously, if you haven't seen both, stop reading, go rent them, come back and we'll discuss it, in which the first cop accuses a guy of "acting as judge, jury and executioner..." and his somewhat less sharp partner replies, "He wasn't acting as Judge Judy and executioner..." Damn, there is no topping British random wit!) Ok, having completely laid the psychotic discussion to rest...We were having a lovely evening and I started thinking to myself how tragic it would be if just over half our registered voters fuck it all up for the rest of us.

Take a look at this article and tell me if you aren't desperately afraid.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/adam-mckay/were-gonna-frickin-lose-t_b_124772.html

I don't want Trueby to have to clean up an even worse mess than I am already leaving her. The debt, the environmental destruction, the closed-mindedness... I just don't want her to have to live in the world it will become if we hand them this election too. Honestly, if we give them yet another go-round, after all they have done so far, what is ever going to stop them? We would be outright saying, "Yes. Lie to us. Yes. Make fortunes at our expense. Yes. The Constitution is your plaything, have at it. We don't care if you are breaking the law you have sworn on your god to uphold. We will never stop supporting you in shitting all over us."

I don't want to sound like a sycophant, but when I watch Obama talk, I just cannot figure out what people are against. I swear I have tried to see both sides. I have tried to see what others don't want about Obama, and I have tried to see what McCain has to offer. I don't get it. I can only hope things go well in 57 days and I can lose this awful knot in the pit of my stomach. Ha ha suckers...you thought you were in for a nice, pastoral family picnic post, huh? That'll learn ya.

Look at this bowl of flowers. At first glance, just a leggy bunch of late color on the deck. But as True and I were playing on the deck today, ok ~ she was playing, I was being ordered around by the world's most imperious puppy dog ~ I started seeing them differently. Look at them seriously for a second. Notice how their faces stretch eagerly to the last of the warm summer sun? That's the 'ham in a pot (and not in its traditional sense) right there. Way too soon the unbearably hot days of 78 degrees will be the stuff of dreams for next year. I know we don't have it the same as places like Vermont or Alaska, where you bed down and hibernate for months at a time. Still, the summers here are so achingly glorious, it's a bona fide tragedy when each one ends. I was looking around our deck at all the signs of a summer well-spent, that will soon be packed away until next year while we go inside, loose touch with the neighbors again, dash from car to house, huddle inward when we're out there. All these pretty little nothings mean we're outside whenever we want to be

So the mood seized us this evening and we cranked up the fire pit on the deck and busted out the makings for s'mores!

True was ecstatic that I was so moved by the mood that I let her have twoI gotta say, cleaning marshmallow off a five-year old is probably the world's quickest way to squelch nostalgic melancholia

I heart Jon

This guy gives me hope for the country. During the election season I have become a CNN junkie, but I usually rely on Jon and NPR for my news. This is a curious mix of way too serious and silly enough that I can hear what goes on in the world without trying to cause myself bodily harm. It works, you should try it. Start with this clip calling out those hypocrite bastard beasts I just want to get in one place and force to live amongst each other.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/09/04/jon-stewart-hits-karl-rov_n_123852.html

Honestly, without a cable comedy show, nobody would be pointing this out? Why? Why!? And you can't say he's totally left, because he really let Kerry have it. That guy got hammered. Rock Obama, as my girl crows when she hears or sees him to my utter delight, seems to offer less material. But why isn't everyone else doing more than just saying, "Hmmm, the right seems oddly ready to accept all this stuff." These are exactly the things these smug, judgemental asses throw their opinions all over when it's anyone else. I just about keeled over when the bovine masses all drowned out McCain's speech by chanting USA whenever a protester made a move. Totally overriding their own guy to try and assert their superior patriotism against any low-life who would dare question the leadership anointed by Jesus' dad. And what was that interrupted point exactly? I am not making this up....the republican platform this time out is, I'm gonna paraphrase, but you would be shocked by how little, "We fucked up. We were greedy ass lickers only in it for ourselves. We won't do it this time." This is surprisingly similar to the theme of all five of McCain's books (just as a side note, "co-written" with a professional, as opposed to Obama doing his own). So his message, now in its, count them, SIXTH run is "I fucked people over, I feel really bad about it, I have learned my lesson and this time will do it right." Pardon me for not jumping right on that bandwagon. He is certainly not helping himself with stuff like this

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/09/05/sarah-palins-strange-ebay_n_124097.html

It's so weird, why bring attention to something like this? Do they not think anyone would double check them on it? So the chick not only lost the state money, it causes one to wonder, well, me to wonder, what kind of ties does she have to the company now fortunate enough to be contracted to charter state flights for Alaska? Or is she flying Alaska Air, coach to save her tax payers money? Just curious.

We have Lift Off!

How can it be true already? She's a kindergartner! Officially! She's off on the journey. And what a great first step. She got to have both mom and dad bring her in on her first day wearing the dress she picked out in July. All the parents were milling around, the kids found cubbies and name tags,

putting away school supplies

and finding an activity to play

We watched them have first meeting on the rug...rules rules rules! I had a constant stream running through my mind..."Thank you god for delivering me from this...thank you god for delivering me from this..." Fifth grade is HEAVEN!!

When they went back to tables, dad and I snuck out. She was weepy and a little hysterical laughter crept in, but she bucked up and took it like a champ! I am so proud of my girl!
Where did this chick go?
I know everyone is probably sick to death of me obessing about this, but I am so betwittered about what a big step this is. I think having taught five kindergarten classes made me a little shlubby to the whole idea. Those kids are so much more ready for the world than my girl. Which is 100% untrue. To her teacher, Trueby is just another one of those school kids. And probably more ready than most. She's been doing this for a while, and the CDC ~ may they receive all the good karma they have coming to them ~ have done a fantastic job preparing her for it. But I feel like it was only a few months ago I was trapped on the couch all day because she fell asleep nursing and would wake up when I moved. It is a crystal clear memory of how blissful I was when she started falling asleep in the swing, for hours! I could move around the house after what seemed like eternity of motionlessness! First steps, first words, first so many things! And now, first day on the road that will be the most important factor in her life for the next 13 years at least. It will dictate what our family does, where and when we go, what we eat, what we think, who we know...It's amazing. I'm just hoping we've given her all the tools she's going to need to deal with all the stuff that's coming at her. I want her to remember how smart, funny, kind, generous, caring, beautiful, unique, and spectacular in every way she is. I want her to be learning how to move mountains, not learn that mountains block her path. I want her to discover how many differences there are in the world, not that everyone is different from her. I want her to become Superwoman, not find out she's just a girl. So that's what I'm working on. What did you do today?

Did their parents MEAN to do that?

See that chick on the right? That there is kindergartner, literally a generation ago. On Friday, that little girl's little girl is going to kindergarten. It's all growing up from here on in. She is only a heartbeat away from learning to drive and going away to college. My baby has gone.

I know, I know...that's being a parent. And that's the catch, see? She is growing with phenomenal speed. I am trying to parent with equal speed and simply cannot do it. I'm not talking about taking time out and savoring the present and being in the moment or anything like that. I'm talking about making the right choices at the right time, rather than in retrospect, which is my typical m.o. You can never tell what is going to send the whole train off the tracks.

Why am I on this rant? Are you watching the republican convention? Those are not a bunch of people I would choose to hang out with. Nearly every single speaker has mentioned (some in intimate detail) McCain being shot down and refusing to go home when it was offered. As though being a POW is a blank check to always being right for the rest of your life. Oh my good god, Giuliani just mocked Obama for working as a community organizer...he laughed as he said it! And the crowd ate it up! Do they seriously believe it is laughable to try and help communities in need? Are these white trash monkeys that stupid!?

I digress. Watch the convention. Look at these people. They are like placid cattle, cheering when the speaker pauses after a clear applause point. The only time they start getting all up in it is when the speakers rip on Obama. Negativity winds them all the hell up. They are rabid! Why are these people like this? What did their parents (or their parents, or their parents, or however far back it went) do that caused them to be like this? Did they do it on purpose, or later look at them as adults and go, "What the hell did we do to cause this?" Oh holy christ...they are chanting, I am not making this up, "Drill, baby, drill."

Yep, now they're on 9/11. Why are these people so easily led around by the nose? How can they be going for this pap? Some of it outright lies. And the two republican advisers that got caught on hot mics badmouthing the Palin choice. Sweet monkeys, they just boo-ed when Giuliani mocked Obama for suggesting the UN help out with the Georgia thing. They are yapping, "USA! USA!" I can't take it. We're rounding up all their parents and slapping them one by one.

OH! He actually did it!!! "How dare they question whether Sarah Palin has the time to raise 5 children and be vice president? They would never ask a man that question!" He SAID it! Bring in the clowns...the circus has left any semblance of reality behind.
Yikes,shit a brick I gotta stop. Palin is starting to speak and god forbid I get blood all over the computer when I rip my eyes out.

Insomniac

Ugh, I KNEW this would happen! I KNEW I should take something, but figured I was exhausted and would easily sleep until the ridiculous 4 am wake-up time I needed to be able to get to school and finish up all the crap work I didn't get done before the all too soon deadline approached like a freight train coming through a tunnel I KNEW I shouldn't go into but so stupidly did anyway! Aaagh! So of course, with a prompt and responsible bedtime of 9 pm, my eyes popped open at 12:07 am on the first day of school. DAMMIT! But here's the thing. Of course I lay there for a good hour telling myself that if I just lay still enough, with my eyes closed enough, with my mind quiet enough, I would fall back to sleep until the blissful buzz of the alarm that will never stay on a radio station or not do the annoying BEEP BEEP BEEP no matter what the alarm setting. Of course my mind was zinging along at a million miles an hour. Was I wondering what my new class would be like? Was I worried that I had overlooked something I wouldn't have time to fix? Was I panicking that I would never be able to fall asleep again? NO! I was fixated on Sarah Palin!

I cannot get this chick out of my mind! With the latest story about her high-school daughter being pregnant, all the experience questions, the polarizing right-wingerness, the fact that he met her ONCE before, all this stuff.....WHY HAS HE CHOSEN THIS CHICK? I don't care that he did, I just don't get it! What can she possibly have to offer that cancels out all the other? Check out this article in the Huffington Post...dude, if you like Air America radio, you'll LOVE this paper! http://www.huffingtonpost.com/paul-loeb/did-karl-rove-pick-sarah_b_122870.html I am at a complete loss to see why she was chosen. If they just wanted a skirt, there are republican women out there. Was he just so desperate to pick someone he could claim as not associated with the current nasty-ass bed the republicans have made themselves to lie in? I gotta say, about a year, eighteen months ago, I wouldn't have chosen it, clearly, but if we had to have another republican president, I wouldn't have minded McCain so much. But he is now unrecognizable from that man. If he doesn't win it, I don't know how he's going to live with what he let himself become.

End of Days

Every summer seems to go by way too quickly. Of course it's hard to give up mornings with no alarms, the only demands on your time being self-imposed, and almost total freedom to choose what you do and when. And it's crazily difficult to complain about this when most of the people you complain to are lucky to get a week or two of that a year, let alone a couple months. But that doesn't make me any less reluctant to be going back to work tomorrow.

This is my last summer before True starts school. She's going out into the great wide world and it will work on her and change her from a being almost entirely of my own making. She hit me with the god thing for the first time today. She asked how people grow in mom tummies, and I said it was kind of like the plants she'd seen grow, starting like from a seed, with one tiny cell that splits and grows and changes and becomes a whole baby. And that every little cell knows it's job, and what to become and what to do. "Amazing, huh?" I asked. "Uncle Bob (and that's a pedophilic phrase in any religion) says we have to follow the rules of god because he made us." I calmly ask, "Who is god?" and she replies, "Somebody." Hmmmmm.

It's not like she isn't going to eventually hear about god, and since dad and mom don't talk about it, it wasn't going to be from us. And the "rules of god" she's being told to follow are mostly commandment type stuff, which I whole heartedly support. But the fact that other forces are forming her thoughts and beliefs and self is driving me batty! You all know how I hate people touching my stuff! Here is this as close to perfect little person as you are ever going to see, and though the CDC had their hands in there, they were doing exactly what I would have been doing myself, though usually even better, so it was more reinforcing than interfering. But now, other people are going to be poking and molding and messing with what I made! It's like putting up a gorgeous art piece, and other people coming along and adding a flourish, or changing a color, or changing a horse to a zebra!

I realize this sounds like I don't want her to hear any ideas except mine, and that is 180 degrees from the truth. I'm just not ready for it to be time for that. Too much else comes along with it and I want my perfect, sheltered, completely unharmed girl to stay that way for a little while longer. I've taught kindergarten, and I know what it's like. Kindergarteners are School Kids. They are their own people entirely separate from their parents. I am completely outside of a piece of her life and that is just too weird for me.

So while it is a huge drag to be going back to work, it's letting go of this summer that is really bumming me out.