This should fix it

Dear Red States,
We're ticked off at the way you've treated California , and we've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue States with us. In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii , Oregon , Washington , Minnesota , Wisconsin , Michigan , Illinois and all of the Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New California. To sum up briefly: You get Texas , Oklahoma and all the slave states. We get stem cell research, the tech sector, and the best beaches. We get Nancy Pelosi. You get Sarah Palin. We get the Statue of Liberty. You get WalMart. We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom. We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss. We get 85 percent of America 's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama . We get two-thirds of the tax revenue. You get to make the red states pay their fair share. Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms. Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. We do wish you success in Iraq , and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire. With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners) 90 percent of all cheese, 90percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Stanford, Berkeley, Cal Tech and MIT. With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Baylor, and Dollyworld. We get Hollywood and Yosemite , thank you. Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy bastards believe you are people with higher morals than we lefties. By the way, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico . Sincerely, Blue States

I wish I could credit this as due...just thank a witty liberal and call it good

Guess what I did today!

That's right. I did take it down and place it in the box instead of sending it by mail. And not to save a stamp either. There were so many people doing it, too! I don't know if the $5.37 standard postage now is off-putting, or if all of my fellow citizens are equally paranoid. Hell, if my phone is being tapped, who knows what they're doing with my mail! The car in front of me had a McCain/Palin sticker and I thought, "Ha. Cancelled you out, sucker!" The bike behind me was Obama for sure, c'mon...a bicyclist for McCain? I doubt it. So that puts us up by one by my count. Woo hoo!

Almost as exciting as the electoral circus, yesterday we packed up Trueby and met her buddy at the Dream Science Circus. What a hoot! We had a great time. The angle was they take people from the audience, hook them up to the Dream Machine, and their dreams are projected onto the stage. It was great. There were jugglers, acrobats, dancers, funny stuff, wow stuff, little bit risque stuff. The capper was Trueby's buddy getting up on stage and hamming it up to the hilt. Including a bow at the end for her exit! It was priceless. I'm definitely going again next year! Though I don't know if True is so gung ho. She said, "If they put that hat on my head, it would not be good." She wasn't cool with having her dreams sucked out and displayed in the daylight. She is convinced it would be bad news for her dreams to be "out." Yeah, I know.

Check out the photo album for some more shots!

some fun stuff

For the 7% idiot population who are still undecided in this race. Seriously? Should these cranially challenged nitwits even be allowed to vote? Here is a visual representation that may help them make up the uninformed, uninterested, or unable minds they have.

I think this is hysterical. I can't decide which I like better: the steam engine teetering on the very brink of utter calamity, or the dopey face on the Thomas/Palin train. Although, it may be the McCain train that has completely derailed. Don't think so? Check this out


Remind you of anything? Maybe this?

Oh, the good old days.

So, more good stuff. Check out this shot on my morning drive. It doesn't come close to doing it justice, nor does the next from the drive home.

It's the light. I don't have the talent to do it justice, but it is so breathtaking. I want to be very clear..I still hate fall. I hate the death of summer, my dear darling favorite, I hate the onset of winter, my nemesis season, I hate the drizzly, cold, gray, mundane, back to work, death and ending and long long long pull to spring again. I hate fall! But you'd have to be blind and stupid not to see that it's beautiful. I even hated missing pictures when I don't have my camera and got a little point and shoot to keep in my purse always. All these pictures are my workhorse lovely starter camera though, I'm posting its picture too so as not to offend it. And it's my favorite.I'll close with this one. Seriously, if it weren't all eaten at, and god help whatever ate at it, wouldn't it look just like a comic book or fairy tale mushroom? Imagine it all pointy round topped with bright red and light spots and elves dancing around on it. Am I right?

Exciting day

whoo..so I'm JUST getting the kids in line for lunch when over the intercom we hear, "Staff, we are in lockdown." NOOO! So we're screaming to the totally bewildered fourth graders outside, "Get in get in get in!!!"and they're just staring at us with a total "huh?" look on their faces and NOT moving at all. So we corral everyone and my kids are huddled in the corner with all the lights off whispering, Is it real? I'm reassuring and hushing and comforting and shushing and calming and "freaking shut it" ing. You get the picture. One of my kids says, "What will you do if someone comes down the hall?" I said, "It depends on which one of you they're trying to take." So after 15 minutes in the huddle we get the all clear. Turns out there was a bank robbery right by us and the guy bolted. They got him though. But wowza, were my kids wound up! You try teaching something after that! Nice break in the monotony though.

double update

So, one week to the day, tooth number two is out. And apparently I have overdone the picture taking. When the camera came out, she squealed "Pillow wall!" and tried to hide completely from the shot. When the flash went off she yelped, "Did she get me?!" Sorry little monkey. But I'm gonna get a picture. Might as well let me do it and get it over with.

Also, remember the psycho on Thursday? So Friday morning she comes in, and as my stomach drops to my feet, says, "I just want you to know how glad we are my daughter gets to have you for her teacher this year." I'm now the best teacher ever, her ex-husband was the one who was upset, and she wants us to be best friends and braid each other's hair. Seriously, I'm terrified of this loony toon. Tomorrow she may want to wear my skin!!

Thank you so so so much to everyone who sympathized with me over that ugly situation. It's lovely to hear supportive, kind words about something like that. Even though I know all they said is untrue, it's still nice to hear people besides me say that can't be true!

Ohm-bama

How's this for zen? I have been awake all night because of something that happened Thursday morning. Fretting, seething, gnashing my teeth. Then, I thought all of a sudden that Obama must feel just like this when the republicans throw out their nonsense and he can't fight back without lowering to their level and just not wanting to go there. And...epiphany music please...I have decided to be Obama. And the knots in my stomach loosened up, my shoulders came down from my ears, I realized how sore my jaw is from clenching. Aahhh....one more thing to be glad about Obama for. Personal inspiration.

"Those are the people, Democrats and Republicans, who have shaped my ideas and who will be surrounding me in the White House. And I think the fact that this has become such an important part of your campaign, Sen. McCain, says more about your campaign than it says about me."

Here's the downlow...there is a parent, and I am not being snippy by saying this chick is certifiable, she is really off the road, and god help me she HATES me from last year. The last half of the year was a minefield! So this year, of course, I have her again for 1/3 of my day. There was a minor kerfuffle a little bit ago, but my principal ran interference and I got to just roll my eyes and think, Here we go again. So yesterday, at 8:25...yes, that IS first bell when I'm in charge of 25 maniac 10 year olds, she and her divorced husband come in and say, "Can we talk to you?" My first instinct is, "Let's go into the principal's office" since I have a practicum student who will lead class and I desperately want a witness except that my principal is out of the building. Next best thing, the spare room next door which connects to the room of a friend who is the TIC so I figure if I really need help I can shriek for her. Anyway, we go over and they proceed to tell me how displeased they are with me as a teacher, a human being and a waste of atoms. Apparently, I have irrevocably damaged their daughter by mocking her brother from last year as a failure in front of this year's class and calling her a cheater and a liar. I will be expected to let her remain in her home room and customize assignments so she won't have to breathe the same air as me and not let her grade suffer because I am such a rotten example of humanity. I'm paraphrasing a bit. So the way I talk these people down is by kissing their asses, smiling and nodding through this, repeatedly mentally reminding myself of the shit storm I brought on myself last year by actually telling the truth, and agreeing with everything, even the line, "What you actually said is irrelevant. What she thinks she heard is her reality." Yes, yes, of course that's true. I'm gripping a chair leg so tightly that my fingers ache and my friend comes in and checks that everything is ok? Yes, yes, we're just having a discussion, everything is fine. Upshot is that they leave happy, I am allowed to be graced with the presence of the daughter during class time, and I get a big hug and "Let's keep the lines of communication open" from the psycho.
So all day I've been raging internally about how unfair it is that no matter what the truth is, there is no way these people will hear it and they will cling to their perception regardless of the facts. Why isn't there some existential hammer that slams down on people and says, Dude...you are wrong. Here are your consequences. I would be more than willing to risk participating in that system because, regardless of what you may think of me ;) I WANT to know if I'm wrong! I WANT to know what is actually and indisputably true. Why can't truth be an absolute? Then my 2 am epiphany kicked in. Obama faces this every day. No matter how many he times he puts the real facts out there, they will repeat their blatant lies and smirk and salute the flag and call themselves christians and the "real" Americans. Like him, all I can do is calmly state facts and stay above the fray. Let them eat themselves from the inside out. When they implode, my hands will be clean and it will no longer be my problem. God have mercy on my soul!

Oohh....addendum....putting my problems in perspective: Trueby just stumbled out clutching her blanket and looking for company after a nightmare. "What did you dream about, sweetie?" "Mean farmers. I was a cow and they didn't kill me but they killed my cow friends." Poor thing. She's tucked in with Daddy, becoming a vegetarian as I type!

wowzers...right out of the box McCain is going after my guy. I sure hope this time they talk to each other. TO each other! They need to let people know not only what THEY are like, but how they differ from each other. If people are going to choose based on something besides each other's ads, they need to see them together.
ooh, McCain is getting all prickly. This Joe the Plumber jam is going all right. McCain is all O'Reilly about it..keeps cutting in and getting smug and harpy. I hope he blows his top!
Really? The over head projector again? He looks like a moron. He keeps talking about pork since he tries to sell his maverick thing. It doesn't make any sense, why are the men going for this? Thank god women have more sense. I don't understand why he keeps saying "I know how to do stuff" what? Is he keeping these secrets? What is the deal?
I think McCain knows he's in the tank. He's more prickly than the other times out. Obama isn't getting at him as much ....
Oh! Nasty campaigns in the house! Yahoo!
Oh lord, the town hall deal. Let that go! It doesn't play! He regrets most of all an attack on him about segregation? Not calling Obama a terrorist? Oh you liar...shut your piehole! He says it's tough but truthful. How is Obama not standing up and tearing his eyes out? Oh I hurt FOR him! It's hard to watch this about someone else, I can't imagine it being about me and just having to sit and be decent about it. Whew, Ohio is tough.
Ouch, Obama talking about the crazies gave me goosebumps. That's gotta suck. Why is McCain laughing about this? Jesus
Oh my god, he's defending the nuts by saying military wives and WWII vets? You fuck!
Oh, Bobbo trying to goad Obama, but he's keeping it on track. It's like trying to reason with a lobotomy patient. Where are Ayers and Acorn? Let it go! Oh, there it is!!
Obama looks sick to death of this discussion. Like he's trying not to puke on himself.
Ooh hoo! The veeps!
Ok, my guy is all about why Joe is good, no slam on Caribou Barbie
We know Palin? How? Through her many in depth interviews? Her candid words to the press? I only know her through her government's condemnation of her abuse of power and her constant lies. She knows special needs families? Oh christ.
So even when asked directly, Obama won't sink her....but McCain will go after Biden? Fuckwad
Where did "spend spend spend" come from? Nice talking point nonsequiter
Oh no, did he just say Obama isn't well traveled enough? He doesn't understand again? Crapper
really? preconditions again? Can this guy not adjust to a changing situation or what?
Joe the Plumber is so getting some tonight
Yikes, did he just say you need a gold plated caddy plan for transplants? Oh, and just blamed dems for the 8 year mess, nice.
Why is abortion even coming up? The courts are a major deal for more reasons than this...will the religious right please stop holding our election hostage? Actually, I shouldn't blame them. I blame the republicans courting them
whew, each time the tracker crawl alarms me at the beginning, but toward the end is more on target. McCain buries himself
why are eloquence, and intelligence too, slurs? What is his point here?
What? Did he just say he'll adopt all the unwanted babies?
oh boy! Education!
I love Obama's 4K credit. Great idea. And he won't let the parents off the hook either. It is so the key!
McCain does not get it. Failed schools in failed neighborhoods. Hmmm, look at that last line about parents. Is he suggesting a charter school will open in the inner cities for all the wealthy families who don't have a choice besides their failed neighborhood school? What an idiot. If we better educate more of the American public, McCain would never have got as far as he has.
why does he keep saying Palin is struggling with autism? I thought it was Down syndrome?
oh yeah, there's My Friends. We just need maverick and "my fellow prisoners" to call it a day
spending though, that's a close runner up.
I think he's so mad at what he's become. He's in a terrible position with no one but himself to blame. Kinda got to feel bad for him
dammit, I missed Obama's closer. I bet it was good though!
Wow, that one was better than the last two. I liked the back and forth. Not boring at least.