perspective

So today I go to work with only this on my mind. I'm excited to talk about it with friends, to celebrate together, to be proud together. To talk to my kids about it. And most of the day did go like that. Before the first bell, my kids from last year were all over the place, making sure I knew. So concerned that I not miss the news. It was so sweet. And I'm so excited that my kids CARE! In each of my three classes we discussed the president-elect, I played the last 5 minutes of his speech for them and told each class how proud I was to be able to say with complete honesty for the first time ever that it was finally true. ANY one of the kids sitting in that room could one day be president. There are no more barriers to anyone who works hard and earns themselves a spot.
Oh, did I mention that the psycho mom is in the room to watch her daughter present her report? Yeah. So after five other kids go, the daughter goes, then the mom takes her and they leave. After class, we're outside and my principal comes out and says, "What did you do?" I was, I swear to heaven, clueless. "NO! What the fuck was her problem??!?!??!?" She doesn't want her daughter in my class anymore. She took her daughter AND her sixth grade son and fled the premises. Apparently she busted into my principal's office, started screaming about how biased I am because I didn't play any of McCain's speech for the kids, and my principal finally got fed up and told her, politely, she was off her nut and she needed to leave me alone. The chick wigged out and took her kids and left. Seriously, to the extent he isn't certain they'll be back. This woman is UNHINGED! It's good to know it's totally her problem and not mine though. I know all along we never think it's us...but then, she doesn't think it's her, so maybe it was me. But I think today proved pretty definitively that it ain't me. So that's good.
I went to pick up my girl and when I get there she is eating a big old milkshake at 5:00 PM. Outside of the whole brainwashing for jesus thing, my only problem with this joint is how they have junk food all the time. Ok, not all the time, but some of the time. And some of the time is too much of the time for me. Anyway...so we're driving home and we talk about dinner and I mention that when she chooses to eat a treat at dinnertime it's her responsibility to eat a good dinner still because...blah blah blah you know the spiel. So she says, "I know mom. But the only choices were homework, and why would I do homework if I don't have any? Whittling, that's too sharp for me (that's another post, funny story. But it was only a choice for 3rd grade and up is what she meant), guns...and we don't choose guns, or the Mississippi Lake (ok, it's River, and it was an activity to fit into their whole theme about traveling across America with the Muddy Mighty Mississippi but it was still a huge cup of ice cream at dinnertime!)" So it got me thinking. She is swamped in all these rules she's trying to negotiate, and she found herself kinda between a rock and a hard place. She KNEW I wouldn't like her to do it, but she didn't feel she could go against the rules at the daycare either. Since one side offered ice cream, that's the side she came down on. It's like a while ago, they decorated these huge sugar cookies and she wanted to eat it in the car. I was all, "Of course not!" and she said, "But they said I could eat it at snack and I didn't because I didn't know if you wanted me to and I really wanted to!" It just made me want to cry. She sees kids all around her all day long, in some cases with adult encouragement, making choices she doesn't think should be made. And for my rules girl, this is so bewildering. She literally does not understand why people don't follow the rules. It throws her all too sea. She is completely off kilter. Of course I'm not saying she does everything perfectly every time. She's five for crying out loud. What I'm saying is that she is very, no really, VERY quick to recognize the wrong choice in others. I feel so bad for her in this world she doesn't have a handle on yet. She gets grenaded for no reason, in her mind. Kinda like with my psycho. I don't understand the rules. When I get penalized, I don't know why! Ok, I'm babbling, but I just was thinking how hard it has been for her, and how I want her to be ok. I guess I'm willing to trade a suck ass kindergarten year for a real shot at a future in a country she can be proud of though.

Exciting day

whoo..so I'm JUST getting the kids in line for lunch when over the intercom we hear, "Staff, we are in lockdown." NOOO! So we're screaming to the totally bewildered fourth graders outside, "Get in get in get in!!!"and they're just staring at us with a total "huh?" look on their faces and NOT moving at all. So we corral everyone and my kids are huddled in the corner with all the lights off whispering, Is it real? I'm reassuring and hushing and comforting and shushing and calming and "freaking shut it" ing. You get the picture. One of my kids says, "What will you do if someone comes down the hall?" I said, "It depends on which one of you they're trying to take." So after 15 minutes in the huddle we get the all clear. Turns out there was a bank robbery right by us and the guy bolted. They got him though. But wowza, were my kids wound up! You try teaching something after that! Nice break in the monotony though.

Ohm-bama

How's this for zen? I have been awake all night because of something that happened Thursday morning. Fretting, seething, gnashing my teeth. Then, I thought all of a sudden that Obama must feel just like this when the republicans throw out their nonsense and he can't fight back without lowering to their level and just not wanting to go there. And...epiphany music please...I have decided to be Obama. And the knots in my stomach loosened up, my shoulders came down from my ears, I realized how sore my jaw is from clenching. Aahhh....one more thing to be glad about Obama for. Personal inspiration.

"Those are the people, Democrats and Republicans, who have shaped my ideas and who will be surrounding me in the White House. And I think the fact that this has become such an important part of your campaign, Sen. McCain, says more about your campaign than it says about me."

Here's the downlow...there is a parent, and I am not being snippy by saying this chick is certifiable, she is really off the road, and god help me she HATES me from last year. The last half of the year was a minefield! So this year, of course, I have her again for 1/3 of my day. There was a minor kerfuffle a little bit ago, but my principal ran interference and I got to just roll my eyes and think, Here we go again. So yesterday, at 8:25...yes, that IS first bell when I'm in charge of 25 maniac 10 year olds, she and her divorced husband come in and say, "Can we talk to you?" My first instinct is, "Let's go into the principal's office" since I have a practicum student who will lead class and I desperately want a witness except that my principal is out of the building. Next best thing, the spare room next door which connects to the room of a friend who is the TIC so I figure if I really need help I can shriek for her. Anyway, we go over and they proceed to tell me how displeased they are with me as a teacher, a human being and a waste of atoms. Apparently, I have irrevocably damaged their daughter by mocking her brother from last year as a failure in front of this year's class and calling her a cheater and a liar. I will be expected to let her remain in her home room and customize assignments so she won't have to breathe the same air as me and not let her grade suffer because I am such a rotten example of humanity. I'm paraphrasing a bit. So the way I talk these people down is by kissing their asses, smiling and nodding through this, repeatedly mentally reminding myself of the shit storm I brought on myself last year by actually telling the truth, and agreeing with everything, even the line, "What you actually said is irrelevant. What she thinks she heard is her reality." Yes, yes, of course that's true. I'm gripping a chair leg so tightly that my fingers ache and my friend comes in and checks that everything is ok? Yes, yes, we're just having a discussion, everything is fine. Upshot is that they leave happy, I am allowed to be graced with the presence of the daughter during class time, and I get a big hug and "Let's keep the lines of communication open" from the psycho.
So all day I've been raging internally about how unfair it is that no matter what the truth is, there is no way these people will hear it and they will cling to their perception regardless of the facts. Why isn't there some existential hammer that slams down on people and says, Dude...you are wrong. Here are your consequences. I would be more than willing to risk participating in that system because, regardless of what you may think of me ;) I WANT to know if I'm wrong! I WANT to know what is actually and indisputably true. Why can't truth be an absolute? Then my 2 am epiphany kicked in. Obama faces this every day. No matter how many he times he puts the real facts out there, they will repeat their blatant lies and smirk and salute the flag and call themselves christians and the "real" Americans. Like him, all I can do is calmly state facts and stay above the fray. Let them eat themselves from the inside out. When they implode, my hands will be clean and it will no longer be my problem. God have mercy on my soul!

Oohh....addendum....putting my problems in perspective: Trueby just stumbled out clutching her blanket and looking for company after a nightmare. "What did you dream about, sweetie?" "Mean farmers. I was a cow and they didn't kill me but they killed my cow friends." Poor thing. She's tucked in with Daddy, becoming a vegetarian as I type!